In conclusion, he adds, “Don’t worry about the meaning of life, either. Even the Lord doesn’t know that.”

And he means it. God really doesn’t know what the heck he’s doing. That’s why He’s writing the Bible. He’s putting everything down on paper as an exercise to learn about good and evil. And we, you and I, and Lucifer down below, are all just characters in his ongoing threepenny opera.

But Satan is a sneaky devil. With a little subterfuge and some help from a televangelist and a superhero, he plans to write his own version of the Bible. Why not? If God can do it, so can he. And if his plan succeeds, he’ll turn the world upside down. Overproof rum and fine Cuban cigars for everyone!

Having read a thousand comics as a kid, Chesney Arnstruther knows that the hero, however flawed he may be, has to step up when the situation is at its most perilous. He needs to do the right thing. As the Actionary, he outwitted ol’ Scratch in the first book of this series (The Damned Busters). But here, he finds himself working both sides of the fence to stop the Parousia.

After wrestling with his own personal circumstances, Chesney finally realizes that good and evil, light and darkness, must coexist in this world. And to that end, he brokers a writing workshop in the Garden of Eden. (Check out the book’s cover illustration for the ultimate spoiler.) The seas don’t boil and the moon doesn’t turn to blood. The End of Days has been rescheduled.

[Costume Not Included / By Matthew Hughes / First Printing: March 2012 / ISBN: 9780857661395]

Books of interest: The Green Lama: The Complete Pulp Adventures, Vol. 3, by Kendell Foster Crossen (also contains an all-new original novella by Adam Lance Garcia called “Case of the Final Column”). That Time We Saved the Planet by Lon Prater. The League of Almost Supeheroes: Stories by Aaron Schutz. Soulcore by Gary Lumpp. The Origin by Wilette Youkey. Soldiers of Legend: Collision by Danielle Kazemi.

Random links: Van Allen Plexico answers fan mail. Interview with Kirk and Michelle Johnson-Weider, authors of the West Pacific Supers series. Their new book, Victory at Any Cost has just been released. Interview with the Midnight Justice crew. Everybody’s producing book trailers these days. Here’s one for Pavarti K. Tyler’s recently released novel, Shadow on the Wall. Adam Christopher reveals the cover to his upcoming novel, Seven Wonders (available 08.28.12). Review of The Liminal People by Ayize Jama-Everett. Superheroes from A to Z (letter H is our favorite). The Robot Chicken DC Comics Special features lots of interesting vocal talent. Look for it sometime in the fall on Cartoon Network. It’s official. 2012 is the year of the arrow. The Green Arrow is coming to TV next season. Thunderbirds-themed clothing will be on sale starting in September. And finally: the awesome Bat-Stache.

Not a link: A reader recently referred to us as the Nick Fury of superhero novels. We’re not 100 percent sure what that means, but we like it. From now on, when contacting the site, please add this honorific to your salutation.

Okay, we get it. Wolverine’s a first-class stud. He’s been alive for over one hundred years and he’s practically indestructible. He’s a living weapon who prowls the shadowy space between human and animal. Thank goodness he’s one of the good guys.

His latest assignment starts in Japan and takes him to Brazil, Austria, Russia, Nigeria, Turkey, and South Africa. But this isn’t a picaresque novel by any means. Wolverine is on a mission to save the world from a drug called panacea. This miracle drug can cure anything, “cancer, tuberculosis, and the common cold—it can cure them all. Viral, bacterial, congenital, it doesn’t matter.”

Unfortunately it has one deadly flaw. Once a patient takes panacea, he will die unless he continues taking it every day for the rest of his life. In other words, it’s sort of like food or water or Starbucks coffee. And, of course, Wolverine is 100 percent against that sort of thing. When he learns about plans to use panacea to enslave an African nation in order to exploit its bountiful supply of crude oil, he vows to cut the drug cartel down to size with his adamantium claws.

That’s when the shooting, burning, exploding, and shark feeding begins. Wolverine and his sexy Chinese mutant sidekick are up against a powerful consortium of yakuza and super ninja. These gangsters don’t play around. Their only motive is “power for its own sake.” And panacea gives them all the power they need.

Naturally, Wolverine stops the distribution of the drug. But no one throws him a ticker tape parade or gives him a pat on the back when his mission is complete. In fact, some people are rather upset by his hubris and privilege. “Who are you to chose our fate?” asks an African woman slowly dying of illness and starvation. Panacea would have made her a slave. But so what? She’s already a slave to political upheaval, warlords, meddling foreigners, hunger, dehydration, and disease. She’s just looking for options. Wolverine’s a tough guy, all right. But when it comes to solving the problems of the world, sometimes he’s just as powerless as the rest of us.

[Wolverine: Road of Bones / By David Alan Mack / First Printing: October 2006 / ISBN: 9781416510697]

But as we know, a villain never sleeps for long. Now, recast in human form, the Big O is back and he has big plans. On his to-do list: destroy a prep school for evil teenagers, recast the forces of good and evil in his own image, and rule the world with a heavy hammer. “Wait until you see what horrors I have planned for the pathetic bags of meat on this planet,” he boasts.

In the preceding H.I.V.E. novel (The Overlord Protocol), we learned that the parents of Wing Fanchu created the devilish databank. Good for them. We hope they’re proud of themselves. And now we discover that Otto Malpence has a connection to the super computer as well. No surprise. There’s always a confluence of insanity surrounding these two pint-sized supervillains. And we predict more of the same as the series continues forward.

Without a doubt, this adventure belongs to Overlord and Otto. But in between all the knotty complications and exposition, we get a whole bunch of Raven action (that’s her on the book’s cover, btw). And that’s great news. She’s famous for being “the world’s deadliest assassin,” but up until this point she’s only been a babysitter and mentor for the kids at H.I.V.E. It’s nice to see her step up to the plate for a change.

And we’re happy to report that Raven isn’t the only character who provides added value here. The surprising appearance of Diabolus Darkdoom (terrific name!) brings a calming influence to the turbulent seas. And we can’t end this review without mentioning Constance and Verity, the lookalike assassins hired to capture Raven and Otto. The statuesque blond Brits are no match for Raven and her charge (of course), but their cocky swagger and ultimate folly earns them a spectacular novel-ending comeuppance. We’ll miss those mouthy mercenaries.

[H.I.V.E.: Escape Velocity / By Mark Walden / First Printing: April 2011 / ISBN: 9781442421851]

And we’re not the only ones who think this way. Apparently Peter David does too. In this, the third installment of his Psi-Man series, he sends his telekinetic hero to Wonderworld, a pumped up version of the Magic Kingdom. Advertising itself as the “Safest Place in the World,” Wonderworld is an amusement park that also doubles as a fortress. Yes, it’s a fun place for kids, but it’s also a place that’s locked up tighter than a drum, with 20-foot walls, an overhead dome, and a secret lair a mile underground. Nothing ugly or smelly allowed.

And now Wonderworld is under attack. The U.S. President is a humorless puss who doesn’t like being mocked in Wonderworld cartoons. And because of this, he’s declared war on Wyatt Wonder, an eccentric Walt Disney-like figurehead. The President has already greenlit an assassination attempt on the entertainment mogul and is currently amassing a secret army to tear down his utopian playhouse.

That’s when Chuck Simon (Simon = Psi-Man, get it?) comes into the picture. He’s a powerful telekinetic who is also on the U.S. government’s shit list. He teams up with Mr. Wonder (nee Wondowski), and together they fight the Feds in an over-the-top, comedic urban war. Added bonus: doggie porn and sex with a robot.

Without a doubt, Main Street D.O.A. is funnier than the two previous Psi-Man novels. You could even say it’s a little doofy. And even though it originally came out 20 years ago, it hasn’t lost much of its satirical edge. For example, during the book’s climactic scene, government operatives are dispatched to destroy the bizarro amusement park. But once inside the gates, the troops are crushed by an animagic army of unicorns, dragons, dwarves, chipmunks, and singing bears. Actually, it’s not hard to imagine the same thing happening in real life. If anyone should chose to invade Disneyland, you know Huey, Dewey, and Louie would be armed and ready.

[Psi-Man: Main Street D.O.A. / By Peter David / First Ace Printing: April 2000 / ISBN: 9780441007172]

But we admit, provocative or not, metahuman conduct is not always above reproach. And that’s what this short story collection is all about. After all, anyone who can turn his body into an atomic bomb, reanimate the dead, and reach god-like awareness should probably be monitored closely. Let’s face it, if you can kill the Pope, orchestrate the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy, stab Lady Gaga, and rape a cheetah at the zoo, then your moral compass needs a new frame of reference.

Every single author in this book has created a superhero who exists in an ethical gray zone. One guy brings his “righteous fury” to North Waziristan, a woman gives her parents cancer (oh, that’s bad!), a boy from the ghetto solves his neighborhood’s gang problem in the bloodiest way imaginable, and a rape victim exacts her savage revenge upon a string of innocent (?) men. To quote author Jeff Strand: “There was a new superhero in town, or serial killer, or whatever.”

The editor has done a fine job of assembling a batch of stories filled with attitude and badassery. We particularly enjoyed “Hollywood Villainy” by Weston Ochse, and “Ozymandias Revisited” by A.S. Fox for their insane and unwavering voice. We also dug “Mental Man” by William Todd Rose because it contained a dose of Death Note-like narrative suspense. And since we always get a kick out of sidekicks, we have to give an enthusiastic thumbs up to both “Gone Rogue” by Wayne Helge, and “Pride” by Wayne Ligon.

Our favorite story, however, comes from Anthony Laffan.  “Sabre” is a story about rotten superheroes and corporate espionage. It gives the reader a peek into a world where Stark Industries, Wayne Enterprises, OsCorp, and LexCorp all vie for cutting edge technology and information. It’s not a pretty world. For example, after staging a mock hero/villain fight in order to steal schematics and blue prints from a rival corporation, the owner of Aegis, Inc., is accused of being “the worst superhero in the world.” The accusation sticks because it’s right on the money. But never mind. “You’ve got to take opportunities where you find them,” she says with a grin. “It’s the American way.”

[Corrupts Absolutely? / Edited by Lincoln Crisler / First Printing: March 2012 / ISBN: 978-1615726158]

And you know what else? We also love the Halloween Legion, a group of superheroes who patrol the world looking for “the wickedest, most terrible threats imaginable.” Their mission: to scare away the other scary things.

The leader of the goon squad is Miss Grimalkin (first name unpronounceable). She’s a craggy old witch who willfully traded her youth and beauty for the power of thaumaturgy. At her side, a requisite black cat and a moody seven-foot giant who wears a macabre skeleton costume. New recruits to the Legion include Molly, a hotsy-totsy fire elemental, and a friendly ghost named Freddy Fridley. Together they wield the power and imagination embodied by millions of children who dress up like witches, black cats, skeletons, devils, and ghosts on Halloween each year.

Strange things have been happening in Woodland recently. Gravestones have started whispering, well water has turned to blood, and a barn was seen crawling up a hill. Most disturbing of all was the appearance of the goat-boy. “Half-boy, half-goat, and wild as the devil.”

Before things get too crazy, however, the Halloween Legion arrives. Their plan is to lure everyone in town to the Creepy Crawley Carnival of Chaos and protect them from a woodsy sprite who may (or may not) be a herald of impending doom. Naturally, the spooky showdown takes place on Halloween night.

Admittedly, the novel is frustratingly skimpy and not very scary. And it veers too closely to children’s fiction for our tastes. But we don’t care. We love it anyway. How could we not? The author has taken the iconic creatures of Halloween and reshaped them into superheroes. He’s a clever writer who has a penchant for puns and a taste for wicked whimsy. We’re especially happy to report that the adventures of the frightful five will continue later this year. First up is a graphic novel called The Great Goblin Invasion. And later, as the harvest season draws to a close, we’ll get a second prose novel called The Night of the Living Fossil. Long live the Halloween Legion!

[The Halloween Legion / By Martin Powell / First Printing: October 2011 / ISBN: 9780983953203]

But we’re acutely aware that self-published novels are wildly unpredictable. We’re all for the freedom and singular vision that indie publishing provides, but we firmly believe that rigorous editorial guidance inevitably produces better work. We’ll continue to read self-published books, but we remain convinced that traditional publishing methods (including slush pile gatekeepers) provide a service to both the author and the reader.

Which brings us to the novel Karis, by R.M. Strong. It’s a typical self-published affair, full of boundless enthusiasm and potential. But like similar books, is ultimately defeated by clumsy, immature writing.

It’s about a teenage girl who sees her family gunned down by a Dr. Psycho-like supervillain. Later, she dons a triple-weave Kevlar bodysuit and a facemask and seeks revenge and/or peace of mind. The author borrows freely from the familiar Batman mythos and even introduces a Superman stand-in at some point. In a way, she’s creating her own World’s Finest universe. Which is cool.

Unfortunately, the novel struggles to find a balance between dialog, action, summary, and exposition. It’s also a novel that pushes a personal theological agenda that is (sincere, but) disruptive. In the end, every mistake in this book could have been avoided had the author sat down with a professional editor and suffered the scrutiny of craft and style.

First novels are meant to be celebrated and quickly forgotten. And that’s the case here. We appreciate the author’s commitment to her muse, but Karis is not so much a complete novel as it is a manuscript still in progress. Hopefully we’ll see better things from the author in the future.

[Karis / By R.M. Strong / First Printing: December 2011 / ISBN: 978-1468150209]

But his mother’s nosey nature is the least of young Michael’s problems. Ever since his father was “killed in a car crash” six months ago, he’s been living at the nexus of an upside down world. His best friend can crush stone and bend steal, his blind girlfriend can see better than he can, superheroes keep popping into his underground lair unannounced, and his dad has been replaced by a shape-shifting government agent.

Dispensing Justice takes place in 1984, nearly 40 years after a supernova wavefront blasted Earth’s atmosphere. Alien intervention helped diffuse the cosmic disaster, but nothing could prevent 10 percent of the planet’s population from perishing in a storm of “radiation and unsterilized neutrinos.”

The unexpected appearance of alien benefactors changed our world in so many ways. Not only did their goodwill wipe out numerous diseases and put cancer on the endangered list, but they also inadvertently created the first Nova Genesis generation, aka the first generation of superheroes.

Michael’s father, the Dispenser, was a member of the first superhero generation. And Michael is positive that his father didn’t die in an auto accident. That’s why he’s spending all his time down in his rabbit hole of solitude. He’s making plans to assume his father’s secret identity, hunt down the killer, and dispense a little justice.

The author successfully captures the voice of mid-century adventure stories for kids. Taking a page from Robert Heinlein’s classic juvenile novels, Dispensing Justice is a story set in a science fiction/superhero universe and features a clique of smart and likeable teenagers grappling with complex (adult) issues. Compared to today’s current crop of sensationalist YA novels, it may seem a tad quaint. But that’s a good thing. Anyone who grew up reading Have Space Suit—Will Travel or Starman Jones will get a kick out of this book.

[Dispensing Justice / By Fritz Freiheit / First Printing: December 2011 / ISBN: 9780984795536]

That’s because the superheroes of Super City are an untouchable, self-absorbed bunch. Sure, they battle supervillains and space invaders. But in doing so, they follow the beat of their own drum and don’t give a hoot about their constituency. They set their own agenda, ignore procedure, and don’t cooperate with the police. To underscore their arrogance, the heroes have built a garrison that floats high above the city. They are literally above the law.

But when a serial killer known as the Claw returns to the city, the heroes of Super City and the police department must find a way to work together. As expected, the members of the Superior Six don’t want to share their classified intel. And the Terrific Trio is (conveniently?) out in space preventing a comet from smashing into one of Jupiter’s moons. Their receptionist doesn’t really know when they’ll be back on Earth.

The author is doing his best to write a police procedural that includes superheroes. In other words, he’s trying to combine Hill Street Blues and Dragnet with the DC Nation. It’s an interesting, if not wholly successfully, genre mash-up.

Part of the problem is that the procedural element of the novel falls flat. We follow detectives Peter MacAvoy and Kristin Milewski as they butt heads with uncooperative superheroes and departmental roadblocks. But there’s no payoff. The case ultimately unravels without their assistance. “We didn’t do anything,” gripes Milewski at the end of the book. And she’s partially right. If she wanted to solve a mystery, she should have stayed home and read an Agatha Christie novel.

On the upside, however, the first Super City novel is filled with a cast of oddball characters and their personal unresolved dramas. This bodes well for upcoming sequels (S.C.P.D.: Avenging Amethyst will be available later in the year). Fans of TV shows like NYPD and CSI:NY know that part of the fun is getting hooked on the soap opera tangents these police procedurals provide each week. Here’s hoping future installments of S.C.P.D. can deliver the same type of thing.

One final comment: The author deserves a standing ovation for his encyclopedic knowledge of comic book history. Every neighborhood, street, building, and school in this novel gets tagged with a creator’s name. There’s Leesfield, Eisnerville, Woodcrest, Heckton (!), Fingerville, Gaines Avenue, Goodwin Expressway, Simon Valley, Kirby Park, DeCarlo Middle School, Colletta High School, Colan Island, and Ellis Island. And the list doesn’t stop there. It goes on and on and on. Frankly, the only city landmark he missed was Trimpe Tower.

[S.C.P.D.: The Case of the Claw / By Keith R.A. DeCandido / First Printing: July 2011 / ISBN: 9780983434870]