Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Inferno

The world has gone to shit. Rising temperatures, rising sea levels, and crazy weather has turned Manhattan into a sunken city. New Jersey is an island and Point Scranton is a new costal town on the edge of the rising Atlantic Ocean.

With the global thermometer ready to pop, the world doesn’t need any more superheroes that command heat and fire. Like, for instance, Skillet. He’s a guy who solves problems with intense thermal energy. To underscore his irrelevancy, a panel of critics recently awarded him the Droopy Long-John award for being the most useless superhero in existence. We presume Johnny Storm garnered a few votes too.

Despite being dismissively mocked by his constituency, Skillet has figured out a way to save the planet. But his plan requires supreme personal sacrifice from the Castigators, America’s premiere super team (or, in Skillet’s opinion, America’s premier “fraternity of abusive assholes”). In tow with his crimefighting partner, Sunblock, and a twelfth-rate hero named Brain Fart, he sets in motion a one-year plan to solve Earth’s environmental crisis.

Heroes of Global Warming is an explosive, orgasmic love story. Once again the author has come up with a creative way to twist superheroes into a delightful Plastic Man-like pretzel. It’s funny. A year ago we had never heard of Robert T. Jeschonek. Yet now, we have great fondness for his screwball stories. Like us, he knows superheroes are a nutty bunch, but he loves ’em just the same.

[Heroes of Global Warming / By Robert T. Jeschonek / First Printing: March 2011 / Tsetse Press]

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