Spoiler Alert: Thor Loses!

The God of Thunder is on a bender because he just found out his mother is dead and his wife is sleeping around behind his back. It shouldn’t surprise anyone to find out that Thor is a big time drinker. He doesn’t just sit around sipping from a single-serving tankard. Not this guy. He prefers chugging entire barrels of beer. There’s going to be trouble in Midgard if Odin can’t get his son sobered up quickly.

To that end, Big Daddy All-Father calls upon a sexy warrior-for-hire to retrieve the groggy god. Crimson is a smart-mouthed, resourceful gal who has a history with gods and their duplicitous ways. She doesn’t exactly trust Odin, but for a glimpse into the past and a “Get out of Hel Free” card, she reluctantly agrees to fetch his “tender-hearted” son.

Down on Earth, Thor is crying in his beer barrel like “some sorry barfly.” He’s built like a tank and covered head-to-toe in bloodstained armor and matted wolf fur. He’s a big, mean drunk, and he’s the God of Frickin’ Thunder. It’s not going to be easy dragging his ass back to Bilskirnir.

The author admits in his afterword that he was hankering to write a “fun mythology mash-up” and “a rollicking tale of lusty brawling.” And that’s more or less what he’s done. Thor retains his Stan Lee imposed Shakespearean affectations from the comic books. And Crimson is quick with the smart-aleck quips. All you have to do is crank up Basil Poledouris on the stereo and you’re in for a good time. And if you’re wondering if Crimson is able to smite the god of rock’n’roll, look no further than the title of the story. That’s the only clue you need.

[Thor Loser / By Stephen D. Sullivan / First Printing: April 2011 / Walkabout Publishing]

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